How To Deal With Someone Who Resents You: Rise Above The Hate

Let’s be real for a second.

There’s nothing more emotionally exhausting than dealing with someone who resents you. I’m not talking about petty disagreements or a little cold shoulder here and there. I’m talking about that heavy, awkward energy that comes from someone who just doesn’t like you… and makes it very obvious.

Maybe they’re passive-aggressive. Maybe they throw subtle jabs. Or maybe they’re not even subtle about it at all. Whatever their method, one thing’s for sure—it stings.

Now, I don’t claim to have all the answers (I mean, who does?), but I’ve been in situations where resentment was hanging in the air like a thick fog, and I had no idea what I did wrong… or if I even did anything at all.

So, let’s talk. Real talk. Like two friends just trying to figure this weird thing called life out.

Here’s how I’ve learned to deal with someone who resents me, without losing my peace or becoming someone I’m not.

1. Find Out Why The Person Resents You

First things first—why do they resent you? That’s the million-dollar question.

And sometimes, it has nothing to do with you. Nada.

I had this one roommate back in school, let’s call her Sarah. Sweet girl, but whew—she started giving me side-eyes for no reason. Or so I thought. One day, she just came out with it:

“How do you always score higher when you don’t even stay up reading at night like the rest of us?”

I was like… what? Hehehe.

That’s when it clicked. She wasn’t mad at me. She was mad that her efforts didn’t give her the results she wanted. And I just happened to be the “proof” that things weren’t fair.

So yeah, sometimes people resent you because you’re doing well, or you remind them of something they feel insecure about. Maybe you’re happier, healthier, more confident, or maybe you just walk with peace—and that annoys their chaos.

If you feel safe enough, try talking to them. Say something like, “Hey, I feel like there’s some tension between us. Can we talk about it?” You’d be surprised how many people carry silent grudges for years that could’ve been sorted with one honest convo.

And if they dodge the question or say, “It’s nothing” (when it clearly is something), then guess what? That’s not your weight to carry.

2. Apologize For Your Part, And Offer Ways To Change Things Around

Now, here’s the real grown-up stuff.

If you did do or say something that might’ve hurt them (even if it wasn’t intentional), just own it. Apologize.

Not the fake kind of apology like, “I’m sorry you feel that way.” Nah. Try something like, “I’m really sorry if what I said came off the wrong way. That wasn’t my intention at all.”

One thing I learned from Dale Carnegie (the “How to Win Friends & Influence People” guy) is that people want to feel seen and heard, especially when they’ve been hurt. And the quickest way to melt resentment is with sincere accountability.

If you can do something to fix it—do it. If they feel like you’ve been distant, maybe suggest doing something together. You don’t have to bend over backwards, but if it’s someone you care about, a little effort can go a long way.

Just remember: apologizing doesn’t mean taking all the blame. It just means you’re mature enough to care about peace.

3. Don’t Fight Their Resentment

Let’s be honest—it’s tempting to clap back.

When someone’s throwing shade, it takes serious willpower not to snap. Especially when it feels like they’re trying to provoke you. But trust me, arguing with someone who resents you is like trying to put out a fire with gasoline.

They want a reaction. That’s their goal. They want to poke you until you explode, so they can go, “See? I knew they were the problem!”

Don’t give them that satisfaction.

Stay calm. Stay centered. Say something like, “I’m sorry if I’ve hurt you in any way, but I’d rather not argue.” Keep your peace like it’s your prized possession—because honestly, it is.

And deep down, even if they don’t admit it, your calm energy will bother them—in a good way. It’ll show them that you’re not here to fight, you’re here to live in peace.

4. Don’t Respond to Their Hate With More Hate

Okay, this one’s tough.

When someone keeps acting like you’re the villain in their story, it’s tempting to throw on the black cape and be the villain. You’re like, “Fine! You want me to be the bad guy? Watch me!”

But don’t fall into that trap. You’re better than that.

Hate is easy. Kindness? That’s strength.

Being the bigger person doesn’t mean letting people walk all over you. It means choosing not to be dragged into their bitterness. Respond with grace. Not for them, but for you.

The more they push hate, the more you should protect your peace. You don’t need to prove anything. You’re not in competition with them.

5. Higher Ground Is Where You Want to Be in a Relationship With Someone Who Resents You

You ever try to argue with someone and end up feeling icky afterward?

That’s what resentment does. It drags you down to a place you don’t belong.

So instead, rise above it.

If they talk trash about you, let them. If they roll their eyes, cool. If they bring up your name in every group chat they’re in, let them keep your name in rotation. It’s free publicity, hehehe.

You don’t have to fight every battle. Some people are dealing with their own demons, and unfortunately, they use other people as their punching bags.

Let them deal with themselves. You just focus on being your peaceful, glowing self.

6. Be Kind & Patient

I know what you’re thinking.

“But why should I be kind when they’re the one with the problem?”

Fair question.

Here’s the thing: kindness isn’t about them. It’s about staying true to you.

If you’re naturally a kind, patient, compassionate person, don’t let their bitterness change that. Don’t let resentment turn you cold.

Now, does this mean you’ll always be met with kindness in return? Nope. In fact, some people will still act like you’re the villain in their soap opera. But that’s on them, not you.

Just keep showing up as the best version of yourself.

And if you ever feel tempted to match their energy, just ask yourself, “Is this really who I want to be?”

7. Don’t Give Them an Opportunity to Hurt You: Cut Ties With Them

Let me just say it: you don’t owe anyone access to your life.

Not everyone deserves a front-row seat to your journey. And if someone keeps hurting you, disrespecting you, or resenting your growth… maybe it’s time to gently shut the door.

I know, I know. It’s not easy. Especially when it’s someone close—family, a long-time friend, someone you grew up with. But your peace is more important than history.

Protect yourself.

Stop picking up their calls if they only bring negativity. Stop responding to texts that drain you. Mute, block, step back… do whatever you need to protect your space.

This doesn’t make you heartless. It makes you healthy.

And who knows, maybe distance is exactly what they need to realize their resentment isn’t your responsibility.

8. Don’t Take It Personally, Even When It Feels Personal

Sometimes people project.

They’re unhappy with themselves, so they lash out at others. And if you happen to be nearby, congrats—you’re the target.

You didn’t ask for it. You didn’t deserve it. But it’s not really about you.

It’s about something inside of them that’s broken, unhealed, or struggling. So when they act out, try to remind yourself, “This isn’t mine to carry.”

Let their anger be theirs. Let their resentment stay with them. And don’t absorb it.

9. Know When It’s Not Worth It

Not every battle is worth fighting.

Some people just want to argue for the sake of arguing. They don’t want resolution. They want to stay mad because that’s where they feel powerful.

So if you’ve tried to talk, apologized, stayed kind, and they’re still cold? Take the hint. You’ve done your part.

Don’t exhaust yourself trying to fix someone who doesn’t want peace. Sometimes the kindest thing you can do is walk away—with love.

10. What If You’re The One Who’s Resentful?

Whew. This one hits home.

We’ve all been there. Feeling that tight little knot in your chest when someone else is doing well and you’re not. Watching someone laugh while you’re going through something tough.

It happens.

But instead of sitting with it and letting it grow into bitterness, ask yourself: What is this resentment trying to tell me?

Maybe it’s pointing to something you want but haven’t gotten yet. Maybe it’s highlighting a place you feel stuck.

And that’s okay. You’re human.

But don’t let resentment change you. Don’t let it rob your joy or make you bitter toward people who probably don’t even know you’re hurting.

Heal it. Talk it out. Journal. Cry. Breathe. Do whatever you need to do to get back to you.

Because life is too short to be carrying silent wars in your heart.

Final Thoughts

Dealing with someone who resents you is never easy. But you don’t have to let it break you.

Keep your peace. Protect your energy. Rise above the hate.

And most importantly, stay true to yourself—even when others don’t know how to handle your light.

You’ve got this.

What about you? Ever had to deal with someone who resented you? Or maybe you were the one holding the grudge?

Either way, I’d love to hear your thoughts.

Let’s talk.