HOW NEVER TO BE THE HEARTBROKEN

At the risk of sounding like a tough cookie, I’ve got to say it: I’ve never been heartbroken.

Yeah, yeah, I know how that sounds.

Not because I’m some robot who doesn’t feel stuff. Nope. I’ve cried over love. I’ve felt those knots in my chest. I’ve stared at the ceiling at 2 AM wondering if I said the wrong thing. But actual heartbreak? The kind that makes you lose your mind or forget how to breathe?

Never.

Why? Because I made a decision early on that I was never going to be a victim of love. And before you roll your eyes or call me heartless, let me break it down.

When I was studying to become a registered nurse, I had my clinical exposure at a psychiatric hospital. And let me tell you, seeing women admitted there because of emotional trauma from breakups and betrayals? That shook me to my core.

I thought to myself, “Oh no, this ain’t gonna be me.”

And that moment, right there, changed how I approached love, relationships, and all the mushy stuff in between. I wasn’t going to let romance ruin me.

So I became that girl. The one who walked away first. The one who protected her heart like it was made of fine china.

It wasn’t about being selfish or cold. It was about being smart. About knowing myself. About knowing I’m way too emotional to survive emotional wreckage.

So here’s the real talk: If you want to protect yourself, if you want to be the heartbreaker and not the heartbroken, here are 10 things I swear by.

1. Mindset is Everything

First things first, what do you believe about love?

Because your thoughts shape your life. I’m not trying to sound deep or anything, but seriously, if you think love is this uncontrollable force that just sweeps you off your feet and drags you wherever it pleases, you’re setting yourself up.

Let’s trash this whole idea of “You can’t help who you love.” Girl, yes you can. You might not control who you’re attracted to, but you definitely control what you do with that attraction.

You control your focus. You control your access. You control your heart.

Love is a choice. Not just a feeling. I choose who I let in. I choose who gets the key to my emotions. Because I have power over my thoughts.

Those feelings you have? They don’t just appear. They’re born out of what you think. So, if you can change your thoughts, you can change how you feel.

Tell yourself: I am not a slave to my emotions.

That’s how you win.

2. Don’t Hastily Open the Gate of Your Heart

So you meet a guy. He’s cute. He’s funny. He opens the door for you and now you’re already naming your future kids?

Pause, sis.

Take a deep breath and drink some water.

One of the biggest heartbreak traps is opening your heart too fast. Loving someone who doesn’t love you back? Recipe for tears.

Unrequited love will chew you up and spit you out.

Even if the guy likes you back, don’t rush. Take your time. Observe. Know his intentions. Is he really in it for the long haul or is he just bored and looking for entertainment?

You’re the gatekeeper of your heart. Guard it. Don’t just let any sweet-talking fella stroll in.

3. Self-Love

Say it with me: Self. Love. Is. The. Best. Love.

You can’t truly love someone else if you don’t love yourself first.

I’ve walked away from relationships I still had feelings in, simply because I knew I deserved better. Did it hurt? Of course. But I loved myself too much to stay in something that wasn’t right.

You owe yourself peace. You owe yourself safety. You owe yourself joy.

Don’t ever put someone above your own wellbeing. Never.

Self-love teaches you that heartbreak isn’t the end of the world, because you still have you.

4. Understand that Not Every Relationship will Last Forever

Not every guy who slides into your DMs is your husband.

Let’s just be honest. Some relationships are just for the moment. For the lesson. For the growth.

The earlier you understand this, the less pressure you’ll put on every situationship to become the love story of the century.

Some people are seasonal. And that’s okay.

Learn what you need to learn, and when it’s time, walk away with grace.

5. Have Enough Pride to Walk Away from a Relationship

I know “pride” sounds bad, but this type of pride? You need it.

The pride that says, “I deserve better than this treatment.”

The pride that whispers, “This isn’t love, this is stress.”

Too many women stay in relationships that are draining the life out of them, all because they’re scared to be alone or scared of starting over.

You have to be able to say, “I choose me.”

You have to recognize when a relationship has expired. Look out for those signs:

• He doesn’t respect you
• You’re the only one trying to make it work
• He talks down on you
• He cheats constantly
• You’re mentally and emotionally exhausted

If it’s not giving what it’s supposed to give, girl, walk away.

With your head high. Even if your heart is crying. Let it cry. It’ll survive.

6. Don’t Make Sacrifices You’ll Regret

Oof. This one.

Don’t pour your whole life savings, energy, and body into a relationship thinking it’ll buy you loyalty or a ring.

It won’t.

Make sure whatever you’re doing in that relationship is out of love, not desperation. Don’t do stuff you’ll look back on and feel used, bitter, or stupid.

Be wise. Be generous, yes, but also be logical.

If he leaves, will you feel robbed or at peace?

That’s the question to ask before making any sacrifice.

7. Get a Life

Sis, please, have a life outside love.

Let your identity not be tied to being someone’s girlfriend.

Have dreams. Hustle for your money. Build your career. Discover what makes you excited to wake up in the morning.

When you have purpose, relationships don’t consume you. They complement you.

You’re not waiting around for someone to complete you. You’re already whole.

And if a man leaves? Cool. You have goals to smash and a life to live.

8. Don’t Neglect Your Loved Ones

We all know that one girl who gets a boyfriend and suddenly disappears from the group chat. Hehehe.

Don’t be her.

When love comes, yes, you’ll be busy. But your girls? Your family? They matter.

Because if things crash, who’s gonna wipe your tears and take you out for ice cream?

Keep your support system close. Don’t trade them for a temporary romance.

You’ll need your tribe in every season.

9. Accept That It’s Okay to Be Heartbroken (But Not Broken)

I know this whole post is about avoiding heartbreak. But let’s be real, sometimes you do everything right and still get hurt.

And that’s okay.

Feel the pain. Cry. Eat that tub of ice cream. Play sad songs on repeat.

But promise me one thing: You won’t stay there.

You won’t let that heartbreak define you. You won’t let it break you.

You will rise. Even if it takes time.

You are not broken. You are healing.

10. Remind Yourself: You Can Live Without Anyone

One of the most damaging beliefs is, “I can’t live without him.”

Girl. You were living before you met him. You’ll live after him.

You don’t need him to breathe. You don’t need him to smile. You don’t need him to be whole.

Will you miss him? Of course.

But missing someone doesn’t mean you need them.

You can love someone deeply and still know when it’s time to let go.

You can wish things turned out differently and still choose to move on.

You can cry and still survive.

Because you’re stronger than you think.

Final Thoughts

I wrote all this not to act like some love guru. But to share what helped me.

I chose to be the heartbreaker, not the heartbroken, not because I wanted to hurt anyone, but because I refused to be destroyed by love.

I hope you protect your heart.

I hope you make better choices.

And even if you get heartbroken, I hope you rise.

Because you deserve a love that doesn’t crush you.

And if nobody has told you today, let me be the first:

You are worthy. You are enough. And you will be fine.