15 Best Tips on How to Ask a Guy What His Intentions Are

Let’s be real for a sec. You’ve been seeing this guy, texting every day, vibing hard, maybe even Netflixing and chilling, and now your mind is spiraling into the deep dark tunnel of “What are we even doing?”

Girl, I’ve been there. Like, you’re lying awake in bed replaying every convo, every emoji he sent, trying to figure out if he’s into you or just bored.

So let’s talk. Let’s get into how to ask a guy what his intentions are without looking like you’re auditioning for a role in a soap opera. Because asking a guy where you stand shouldn’t feel like defusing a bomb.

Here are the 15 best tips (and some friendly real talk) to help you get the clarity you need.

1. Don’t Ask Too Soon

I know, I know. The urge is real. You’re already imagining your couple name and the playlist for your wedding, but slow down a bit.

If y’all have only just started talking or been on two casual dates, maybe give it some breathing room. Let him show you whether he’s interested in something deeper before popping the question (no, not that question).

Wait till there’s some consistency, some connection, some reason to think this might actually go somewhere. Otherwise, it just comes off like you’re planning your future with someone who doesn’t even know your coffee order yet.

2. Be Confident

Confidence isn’t about having all the answers. It’s doing it even when you’re scared. It’s sending that risky text even if your hands are shaking. It’s knowing your worth, even if he doesn’t see it yet.

Don’t let fear stop you. You deserve answers. You deserve to know if this guy wants to build something or just hang out until someone else comes along.

And trust me, if asking for clarity scares him off, he was never your guy to begin with.

3. Be Direct

Girl, this is not the time to drop hints and hope he picks them up like breadcrumbs.

Be clear. Be calm. Be honest.

Ask him, straight up: “Hey, I really like spending time with you and I just want to know where your head is at. Are you looking for something serious or just seeing where this goes?”

It doesn’t have to be a TED Talk. Just get to the point. You’ll save yourself weeks (maybe months) of emotional confusion.

4. Ask Casually Like You’re Just Curious

Direct doesn’t mean dramatic. You don’t need to light candles and sit him down like you’re about to read his horoscope.

You can ask in a chill, non-pressure way. Like, “Hey, random question… what do you think about us?”

Make it feel natural, like something you’d talk about over brunch. Not like you’re about to pull out a relationship contract and demand a signature.

5. Choose Your Words Carefully

Words are powerful. Saying “What do you think about me?” might make him feel cornered.

Try “What do you think about us?” It shifts the focus from being just about you to being about the dynamic between you both.

It makes the conversation feel mutual instead of a one-sided evaluation.

6. Use Open-Ended Questions

If you ask yes/no questions, you’ll get yes/no answers.

Instead of “Are we dating?” try “Where do you see this going?” or “What are you looking for right now?”

That way, he has to actually explain himself. And you get way more insight into what he’s really thinking.

7. Gauge His Reaction and Body Language

Sometimes it’s not what he says, it’s how he says it.

If his eyes light up and he leans in when you ask, that’s a good sign.

If he suddenly gets shifty, defensive, or looks like he wants to disappear into the sofa cushions, well, you got your answer.

Watch how he reacts. Sometimes his vibe will tell you way more than his words.

8. Ask Him to Clarify His Answer If You Need To

Not everyone is great at expressing themselves. Some guys will give vague answers like, “I just enjoy being with you.”

Cute? Yes.

Helpful? Not really.

If you don’t understand what he means, ask him to clarify. Gently.

Like, “When you say that, do you mean you’re open to something serious or just taking things super casually?”

No pressure. Just a need for clarity.

9. Apply Humor

If it feels too awkward, break the tension with a little humor.

Say something like, “So, are we just two ships passing in the night or are we building something here?” with a playful smile.

Humor can soften the edges and make the conversation easier to navigate. You’re still being honest, but you’re doing it in a way that feels light and safe.

10. Be Honest and Forthcoming with Your Own Intentions

This is a two-way street, babe. If you want something real, don’t be afraid to say it.

“I’m at a point in my life where I’m looking for something meaningful. What about you?”

You don’t have to apologize for wanting more. You don’t have to hide behind “just seeing where this goes” if that’s not what you want.

Say what you mean, and let him meet you there. Or not. But at least you’ll know.

11. Ghost Him and See If He Misses You

Okay, okay. I know ghosting is controversial. But hear me out.

Sometimes, taking a step back can give you clarity.

If you pull away and he doesn’t even notice, well, there’s your sign.

But if he reaches out, asks what’s going on, shows concern, that’s also a clue that you mean something to him.

Just don’t play games. This isn’t about punishing him. It’s about protecting your peace and seeing who checks on you when you go quiet.

12. Stop Sleeping with Him

Real talk? If you’re physically involved with him, but emotionally you’re still confused about where you stand, take a step back.

Sex can blur all the lines and make it harder to see his intentions.

If you stop being intimate and he vanishes, guess what? He was never really in it for the connection.

Don’t let good sex trick you into thinking bad intentions are okay. Your peace is worth more than momentary pleasure.

13. Don’t Assume Silence Means Yes

Just because he hasn’t said he doesn’t want anything serious doesn’t mean he does.

Silence isn’t an answer. It’s just avoidance.

You need actual words. Actual conversations. Otherwise, you’re just guessing. And honestly, haven’t you done enough guessing already?

14. Don’t Be Afraid to Walk Away

If his intentions don’t line up with what you want, you are allowed to leave.

I don’t care how hot he is, how good the chemistry is, or how many inside jokes you have. If he’s not on the same page, you’re just wasting chapters of your life.

Walking away isn’t weakness. It’s choosing peace over confusion.

15. Prepare for the Worst

This part sucks. But it’s real.

He might say he’s not ready. He might say he doesn’t see a future. He might not want what you want.

And that will sting. Maybe even crush you for a bit.

But it’s better than staying in a situationship with someone who doesn’t see your value.

At least now you know. And knowing sets you free.

So sis, the moral of the story?

You deserve clarity. You deserve honesty. You deserve someone who doesn’t flinch when you ask where things are going.

You deserve love that doesn’t feel like a guessing game.

So ask the question. Even if your voice shakes. Even if your stomach flips.

Because the truth will always serve you better than confusion ever could.

Now go get your answers, queen.

You got this.