How can I love myself when I don’t like the way I look? [Here is how I did!]
I still remember being 16 years old and sitting in front of my laptop, watching YouTube videos where women talked about self-love.
They would say things like, “You should just love yourself,” and “You’re beautiful the way you are.”
And even though I wanted to believe it, a part of me kept asking, But how?
How can I love myself when I don’t even like the way I look?
That question stayed with me for years. And if you are reading this, maybe you are asking yourself the same thing.
So let’s talk about it.
This is not some perfect “five-step guide” written in fancy language. This is me, sharing my story, my struggles, and the things that actually worked for me.
I want you to know you’re not alone. I’ve been there. I’ve hated looking in the mirror. I’ve picked myself apart. I’ve compared myself to everyone around me.
But I also came out on the other side. And if I did, so can you.
Can you love yourself when you don’t like the way you look?
The short answer is yes.
But here’s the thing. Loving yourself doesn’t mean you have to wake up every day thinking, “Wow, I look perfect.”
It means respecting yourself, being kind to your body, and not tearing yourself down in your own mind.
You may not feel like the most beautiful person in the room. And that’s okay. Beauty is not the measure of your worth.
It’s about shifting from self-hate to acceptance. Some call this body neutrality.
You don’t have to force yourself to feel obsessed with how you look. You just need to stop attacking yourself every time you see your reflection.
Because the truth is, self-love is incomplete without self-respect.
You cannot keep saying “I’m ugly” or “I’m not enough” and expect to feel love for yourself. That’s like trying to grow flowers in soil you keep poisoning.
So the first step is not falling in love with your looks. It’s learning to accept them, respect them, and stop treating your body like an enemy.
My backstory with insecurity
Let me be real with you.
I started feeling insecure when I was around 10 or 11. At first, I didn’t even realize it. It was just little things. I didn’t feel confident, I always compared myself, I felt “less than” without knowing why.
But as I grew older, it got worse.
People pointed out things about me. My nose. My height. My acne. My braces.
“You’re so short.”
“Why is your nose so big?”
“Your skin looks bad.”
It’s wild how a few words from other people can stick in your head forever. Even now, I remember who said what to me.
By 16, I became painfully aware of my insecurities. That was when I finally realized I had body image issues.
But knowing it didn’t magically make it better.
For two years, I stayed stuck. I tried to ignore it, but it was exhausting.
By 18, I was done. I didn’t want to live my whole life worrying about how I looked. I wanted to be free. I wanted to love myself.
So I started my self-love journey. It wasn’t overnight. It took time. But in about a year, everything shifted.
Now, years later, I no longer feel the way I used to. I actually love myself. And no, I didn’t change my body. I didn’t get surgery. I didn’t suddenly become “perfect.”
I just changed the way I saw myself.
And you can too.
Why do we feel like we don’t look good?
Before we jump into the solutions, let’s pause and ask why this even happens.
Because here’s the thing: you are not born hating your body. Nobody comes into this world thinking, “Wow, I don’t like my nose.”
We learn it.
From society. From comments. From comparisons.
Think about it. Everywhere you look, there are edited pictures of flawless skin, “perfect” bodies, and filters that make people look unreal.
Movies, magazines, Instagram, TikTok… it’s endless.
And then someone points out your acne, or your weight, or your nose. And suddenly you believe it.
You start to think, “Maybe they’re right. Maybe I’m not good enough.”
It becomes a habit. You compare yourself to every single person. You talk down to yourself. You avoid mirrors.
And over time, your self-esteem takes the hit.
So if you feel like you don’t look good, let me tell you this: it’s not your fault. You’ve been conditioned to think this way.
But the good news? If we can learn insecurity, we can also unlearn it.
Self-love and body image
A lot of people will say, “Self-love has nothing to do with looks.” And yes, partly that’s true.
But let’s be real. The way you see your body affects your self-esteem. If you constantly tear yourself down, you cannot feel love for yourself.
I used to tell myself things like:
“My nose looks terrible.”
“I wish I was taller.”
“Everyone must think I look bad.”
And guess what? That self-talk affected everything.
I felt shy. I avoided conversations. I didn’t stand up for myself when people made fun of me.
Because deep down, I believed they were right.
That’s why I always say, self-love and body image are connected. You can’t work on one without touching the other.
How to love yourself when you don’t like the way you look: 11 things that helped me
Here comes the part you’re probably waiting for. The real-life things I did that helped me.
These are not quick fixes. They take time. But if you keep at them, they work.
1. Realizing my insecurity
The first step was simply admitting I was insecure.
I had to be honest with myself. I had to say out loud, “Yes, I feel bad about how I look.”
It’s scary to admit. But awareness is power. If you don’t admit it, you can’t fix it.
2. Accepting how I look
This one took time. And no, I don’t mean “accepting that I’m ugly.”
I mean realizing beauty standards are fake and temporary.
What’s trendy today will not be trendy tomorrow.
One decade it’s skinny. Another decade it’s curvy. And now skinny is coming back.
Your body is not a fashion trend. It’s your body. It keeps you alive. It lets you move, breathe, laugh, and hug people you love.
That’s worth more than any trend.
3. Changing my inner dialogue
This one changed my life.
I used to constantly criticize myself in my head.
But then I started practicing affirmations. Saying things like:
“I love and accept my body as it is.”
“I am beautiful.”
“I am grateful for my body.”
At first, it felt fake. Like I was lying to myself. But I kept at it. Day after day.
And slowly, I started to believe it.
One day, I even looked in the mirror and thought, “My nose isn’t that bad. It’s just normal.”
That moment felt huge.
4. Being kinder to myself
I realized self-love isn’t just about thoughts. It’s also about actions.
I stopped being harsh with myself. Instead, I practiced kindness.
That looked like:
- Talking to myself gently.
- Hugging myself sometimes.
- Practicing gratitude.
- Dressing up for myself, not others.
- Taking care of my health.
- Celebrating small wins.
Little acts of kindness toward yourself add up.
5. Building self-respect
Respect and love go hand in hand. You cannot love someone you don’t respect.
I had to stop letting people make fun of me. I had to stand up for myself.
At first, it was hard. I stayed quiet when people joked about my looks.
But later, I learned to speak up.
Exercising also helped. Not because of weight loss, but because it made me proud of myself. It made me realize my body is strong and capable.
That respect changed everything.
6. Deepening my relationship with myself
You cannot love someone you don’t know. That includes yourself.
So I started spending time with myself. Journaling. Painting. Dancing. Going on walks alone.
It helped me get to know me. My likes, my dislikes, my thoughts.
And the more time I spent with myself, the more comfortable I felt in my own skin.
7. Taking social media detox
Social media can be toxic when you are insecure.
Seeing “perfect” lives and bodies can make you feel worse.
So I unfollowed accounts that triggered me. I took breaks. I reminded myself that pictures online are edited and staged.
This gave me space to heal.
8. Working on my health
Taking care of my health made me feel loved.
Moving my body. Eating better. Sleeping well. Drinking water.
Not to “look good,” but to feel good.
And when you feel good, it shows.
9. Stopping comparison
This was a big one.
Comparison is poison. It never makes you feel better.
Every time I caught myself comparing, I reminded myself: “We are all unique. No one is better or worse.”
It’s not easy. But with practice, you can break the habit.
10. Educating myself
Reading books. Listening to podcasts. Hearing other people’s stories.
All of this helped me realize I wasn’t alone. It reminded me that loving yourself is possible.
When you learn, you grow. And your mindset slowly changes.
11. Being consistent
Lastly, I stayed consistent.
It took me almost a year to feel real change. It didn’t happen overnight.
But every little effort added up.
And now, years later, I’m so grateful I kept going.
Conclusion
So if you are asking yourself, “How can I love myself when I don’t like the way I look?”
Here’s the truth. You don’t have to love every single feature. You just need to stop attacking yourself. You need to accept, respect, and care for yourself.
It will take time. It will feel awkward at first. But it’s possible.
I’m living proof.
And if I can do it, so can you.
You are worthy of love. You are worthy of respect. And you are enough, just the way you are.
Now go look in the mirror and tell yourself something kind.
You deserve it.