How to be Confident When Speaking with People: 10 ways to be more confident when speaking with people

Let’s be honest. Talking to people can be hard. Like, really hard. Especially when your comfort zone is your own head and you’re not trying to make small talk with strangers who could be silently judging your grammar, outfit, or God-forbid, your accent.

Whether you’re an introvert like me who needs to rehearse greetings before saying them out loud, or you’re like my husband who can make a friend at the ATM queue, there will always be times when you have to talk to people. Ugh.

For my husband, chatting is his cardio. For me? It’s a calculated sport. I overthink, pre-think, post-think. But still, I’ve learned (and am still learning) how to be confident when speaking with people. It’s not magic. It’s not only for naturally bold people. It’s a skill. And like every skill, it can be learned.

So let me be your talkative big sister today and spill what has helped me. Real talk. No fluff.

1. Listen to understand, not just to respond

You know when someone is talking and you’re already thinking of what YOU want to say? Yep. We all do it.

But here’s the deal: if you’re truly listening, you won’t be anxious about what to say next. Why? Because the best responses come from understanding what’s being said.

People like people who listen. It’s true. And if you listen with genuine curiosity, conversations become smoother and you feel more confident.

Plus, you won’t blurt out weird or off-topic stuff. Hehehe. It’s happened to me before. Trust me, it’s awkward.

Therapists literally get paid to listen. That’s how valuable listening is. Be present. Don’t zone out. Focus.

2. Don’t be a mindreader

Raise your hand if you’ve ever thought: “What if they think I sound stupid?” “What if they’re judging me?” “Do I look okay?”

Been there. Lived there. Paid rent.

I used to be obsessed with what people were thinking about me. It made me super self-conscious. I’d talk and then replay the conversation in my head a hundred times like a podcast no one subscribed to.

Eventually, I realised something powerful: no one is thinking that much about me. People are busy thinking about themselves too.

So quit trying to guess people’s thoughts. You’re not a psychic. And you don’t need to be.

3. Read, read, and read

I can’t stress this enough. Reading is like secret armor.

It gives you things to say. It gives you ideas to contribute. It helps you relate.

There was this time we were at the beach, and one of my husband’s friends, who’s from a South Asian country, asked about mine. I gave a decent answer, then he mentioned his own country.

Thanks to reading Khaled Hosseini’s books, I had some context about his country and could say something meaningful. His eyes lit up. Conversation flowed. We bonded. Boom.

That wouldn’t have happened if I hadn’t read anything.

Reading expands your world without leaving your room. You learn new things, perspectives, and stories.

And when you know things, you’re less scared to speak. Because you have something to say.

4. Eliminate distractions

Imagine talking to someone and they keep checking their phone. Annoying, right?

Now flip that. If you’re doing the same thing, how can you be confident? You’re distracted and probably missing half the conversation.

Confidence comes from presence. So when you’re in a conversation, be in it. Fully.

Put your phone away. Resist the scroll urge. If the convo is boring, it’s okay to politely excuse yourself.

But don’t be that person who half-listens and gives half-baked replies.

5. Smile

Smiling is a little thing that does big things.

It relaxes you. It puts others at ease. It makes you more approachable.

You don’t have to flash teeth like a toothpaste ad, but a soft, warm smile goes a long way.

Plus, it signals confidence. Even when you don’t feel confident yet, a smile helps you fake it till you make it.

6. Give encouraging gestures

Ever talked to someone who looked bored stiff? Like they were mentally grocery shopping?

Now don’t be that person.

Use your body language to show you’re engaged. Nod a little. Maintain eye contact. Sit up straight. Smile.

Your body speaks volumes. Let it say: I’m here and I care.

That energy makes people respond better to you. And the more positive the interaction, the more confident you’ll feel.

7. Don’t aim to please

You can’t please everyone. Period.

Trying to be liked by everyone will drain you and kill your confidence.

Say what you mean, respectfully. Be open-minded. Be kind. But don’t bend yourself out of shape just to sound agreeable.

And if you speak with an accent (like me), please don’t feel awkward about it.

Accents are beautiful. They are proof you speak more than one language. That’s power.

I live in Europe now but grew up in Africa. My accent tells a story. I don’t sound British or American. And that’s okay.

If someone doesn’t understand you, you can repeat. That’s normal.

But never feel ashamed of where you’re from or how you sound. That’s your spice. Own it.

8. Be yourself

I know this sounds like generic advice but hear me out.

If you’re pretending to be someone else, your brain is doing double work. It’s hard to be confident when you’re performing.

Authenticity is freeing. When you’re being yourself, you’re relaxed. And when you’re relaxed, you’re confident.

Don’t try to be the loudest in the room if you’re naturally quiet. Don’t force jokes if you’re not the comedian type.

I’m more of a listener. I speak when I have something to say. And that’s fine.

What matters is being present and genuine. That’s what people remember.

9. Practice, practice, practice

Confidence grows with repetition.

You get better by doing. Speak more. Even if your voice shakes. Even if it’s awkward.

Start small. Say hi to the cashier. Compliment someone’s outfit. Join that group discussion even if you only say one sentence.

You won’t wake up magically confident one day. You build it brick by brick.

Messy conversations are part of the journey. Embrace them.

10. Remember you belong

Lastly, remind yourself that you deserve to be in the room.

You have value. Your opinions matter. Your presence matters.

Whether you’re at a dinner party or a Zoom meeting, you have every right to speak up.

Confidence isn’t arrogance. It’s just self-respect in action.

And that starts with believing that you are enough, as you are.

So go out there. Speak. Stumble. Learn. Laugh at yourself. Then do it again.

You got this.

Here’s a warm, friendly conclusion that perfectly matches the tone of your blog post:

Final Thoughts

Being confident when speaking with people doesn’t mean you have to be loud, flashy, or the life of the party. It simply means showing up as yourself—calm, sure, and present. And hey, it’s totally okay if you fumble or feel awkward sometimes. We all do.

Confidence isn’t a one-time thing. It’s a journey. Some days you’ll feel like a queen of conversation. Other days? Not so much. But that doesn’t mean you’re not growing.

Just keep practicing. Keep learning. Keep showing up.

And remember—people aren’t as scary as they seem. Most of them are just as unsure and figuring it out too. So take a deep breath, flash a little smile, and say what you need to say.

You’ve got this. I’m cheering for you. Always. 💛