How To Deal With A Man That Uses You For Money Even If You Love Him: 15 Way

Let’s be real for a sec…

Nobody wants to feel like a walking ATM.

Especially not by someone who says they love you. Like seriously? You’re supposed to be my partner, not a parasite.

It starts small. He’s short on rent once. Then he needs help buying a “work phone.” Then there’s some business deal he just has to jump on. Next thing you know, you’re covering his basics while he’s chillin’, eating your snacks, and talking about “money is tight.”

You love him, right? So it’s hard. You want to help. But deep down, it’s starting to feel… off.

If that’s you, then girl, we need to talk.

Here are 15 real ways to deal with a man that’s using you for money, even if you’re already in too deep.

1. Ask Him What He Needs The Money For

Okay, first things first — don’t just hand over your hard-earned coins.

When he asks for money, pause. Look him in the eye (or over the phone, whatever), and say, “What exactly do you need it for?”

Not in a rude way. Just real.

This isn’t about being nosy. It’s about knowing what you’re getting yourself into.

Sometimes his reason might actually be valid. Maybe his car broke down, or his little sister needs school fees, or he’s trying to invest in something legit.

Fine. We love a man with a plan.

But here’s where the red flag comes in…

If he never explains, or gets defensive, or says “You don’t trust me?” — girl. That’s not love, that’s manipulation.

No emotionally mature man should guilt you for asking simple questions. You’re not his piggy bank.

2. Reduce Your Frequency Of Giving

You’re generous. That’s beautiful.

But you’re not a charity.

If you always say yes, you’re teaching him that you’ll always say yes. And that’s a dangerous cycle to fall into.

Start small. Delay. Offer less. Say you can’t help this time.

You don’t need to make it a big fight. Just gradually stop being his financial crutch.

And watch how fast he changes — or doesn’t.

3. Lend Him The Money Instead

This is one of my favorite tricks, hehehe.

Next time he says, “Babe, can I borrow 200?” just respond like, “Oh, I can lend it to you, but I’ll need it back by next week.”

His reaction will say everything.

If he’s genuinely in need, he’ll accept and try to pay back.

But if he’s using you? He’ll get uncomfortable real quick. Maybe even angry.

Now you know his true colors.

Remember: users hate accountability.

4. Encourage Him To Get A Job

Now this is important.

Is he constantly broke because he can’t get a job, or because he won’t?

Some men are full-grown and still moving like boys. They want to enjoy a soft life on your budget.

If your man is always “in between jobs” but miraculously has time for video games, chilling, or scrolling TikTok all day… yeah, no.

Lovingly suggest that he gets a job. Help him apply. Offer to review his resume.

If he brushes it off, gets irritated, or says things like “you’re supposed to be supportive” — girl, run.

You can’t build a future with someone who doesn’t even want to carry their own weight.

5. Let Him Get A Loan

Why are you his only option?

Seriously.

If he needs money that badly, there are loans, apps, banks, friends, family.

Tell him to check other options. Because guess what? That’s what you’d have to do if roles were reversed.

You are not a loan officer. And you’re not the federal reserve. Let him figure it out elsewhere.

6. Be Firm

This is where a lot of us struggle.

You say no, and he sulks. Or guilt-trips. Or calls you selfish. And you cave in.

Don’t.

Being firm is a form of self-love. You are allowed to have boundaries. In fact, you need them.

Ask questions. Hold him accountable. Stand your ground even if it feels uncomfortable.

If he loves you, he’ll respect you. If he doesn’t — well, you just dodged a broke bullet.

7. Help Him Find Other Solutions

Every time he asks for money, don’t just reach for your purse.

Try this instead: “What else can we do about this?”

Brainstorm with him. Can he sell something? Can he cut back on expenses? Can he take up freelancing?

You’re not saying you won’t help at all, you’re just reminding him that he has options.

And you’re not one of them.

8. Delay In Giving Him

If you feel the need to help, cool. But don’t be too quick with it.

Say you’ll get back to him. Say you need to move some things around. Take your time.

If it’s not an emergency, you’re not rushing.

This helps two things:

• He sees you’re not instantly available for handouts
• He may just figure out another way before you even respond

Either way, you stop being his “quick fix.”

9. Explain To Him That You Do Not Have The Money

Even if you do have it.

You don’t owe anyone your money just because you have it. Let that sink in.

Say it out loud: “I can’t help you with money right now, I have my own things to take care of.”

Say it kindly, but say it clearly.

This also helps you emotionally detach from the pressure of fixing his problems all the time.

10. Tell Him How You Feel

Now let’s talk emotions.

If you’re uncomfortable with how often he asks, if you feel taken for granted, if you’re tired of being used — please say it.

You’re not crazy. Your feelings are real.

Sit him down and tell him, “I feel like our relationship is more about money than love sometimes, and that hurts.”

His response will tell you everything you need to know.

A good man will hear you out. A user will get defensive or flip it on you.

Either way, you’ll get clarity.

11. Create Excuses

Sometimes, you gotta play the game.

If he’s the manipulative type and you’re not ready to cut him off just yet, start creating believable excuses.

“I can’t, I’m waiting on my own money.”
“I had to send something to my mom.”
“The money I have is already for rent.”

You don’t owe him your truth. If you need to lie to protect your peace — do it. Zero shame.

12. Consider Breaking Up With Him If You Can’t Cope

This is the tough one. But sometimes, it’s the only real solution.

If he’s not changing, not growing, and still draining you emotionally and financially — why are you still there?

It’s okay to love someone and still walk away.

Being with someone who only sees you as a financial plan is not love. That’s exploitation dressed up in fake affection.

You deserve a partner, not a dependent.

Walk away if it’s too much. You’ll survive. And you’ll thrive.

13. Watch For Patterns, Not Promises

He’ll say things like:

• “I’m just going through a rough patch”
• “It won’t always be like this”
• “Once I get that deal, I’ll spoil you too”

But weeks turn into months, and nothing changes.

Watch actions, not words. Love is not just about potential. It’s about reality.

If he keeps making money promises with no results, sis… it’s time to stop believing the hype.

14. Don’t Be Afraid To Be “The Bad Guy”

You know what stops a lot of women from saying no?

The fear of looking “mean,” “stingy,” or “unsupportive.”

But listen — you’re not here to win the Nice Girlfriend Olympics.

Protecting your heart and your pockets doesn’t make you bad. It makes you wise.

He can think what he wants. You’re not here to be his sponsor. You’re here to be loved, respected, and supported equally.

15. Remember That Love Without Respect Is Dangerous

Let me end with this.

Love alone is not enough. If he doesn’t respect you, it will drain you. Emotionally, mentally, and financially.

No amount of kisses, good morning texts, or empty “I love yous” will change that.

You deserve someone who gives, not just takes.

Someone who values your help, but doesn’t rely on it.

Someone who makes you feel secure, not stressed.

So yeah, love him. But love yourself more.

FAQs

1. Should you help a man financially?
Yes, but not like a habit. Help like you would a friend — when you can, without guilt or pressure. Not every man asking for help is a user. But if he’s always asking, that’s different.

2. How do you know your man is using you for money?
He only calls when he needs something. He rarely gives anything back. You start feeling like a provider, not a partner. Your gut will tell you. Trust it.

3. Is it wrong to ask your woman for money as a man?
It’s not wrong. It’s about how often, how respectfully, and whether he’s also helping himself. There’s nothing wrong with occasional support — just don’t let it become a pattern.