10 Stupid Things Women Do in a Relationship

Hey sis.

I’m not here to yell at you.

This isn’t one of those “you should know better” posts.

It’s more like… we’re sitting in my living room, no makeup, in oversized t-shirts, eating chin chin or ice cream straight from the tub, and just having one of those heart-to-heart convos.

Because honestly?

Some of us are out here doing the absolute most in relationships… and not in a cute way.

We’re losing ourselves, disrespecting our own boundaries, and calling it “love.”

But let’s be real. Some of it is just… stupid.

So, let’s talk about it. Here are 10 of the stupid things women do in a relationship. If you see yourself, don’t panic. Just breathe. We’ve all been there. Let’s grow through it, not just go through it.

1. Making Him the Centre of Your Entire Life

You meet a guy, fall hard, and suddenly your whole life starts to revolve around him.

You used to have a weekly brunch with your girls? Cancelled.

Gym schedule? Forgotten.

Book club? Long gone.

He texts, “come over,” and boom—you’re grabbing your keys before you even ask yourself if you actually want to go.

You rearrange your whole existence to fit his schedule.

Sis… no.

Love is beautiful, but if it turns into erasing yourself? That’s not love. That’s spiritual gumming.

A man should add to your life, not replace it. You had dreams before he showed up. Don’t drop them like expired groceries just because he calls you “baby.”

You’re still allowed to have a life of your own. Actually, you need to.

Because one day he might say, “I need space,” and if you’ve made him your everything, you’ll feel like you’ve got nothing left.

That’s not cute. That’s dangerous.

2. Hiding Your Real Feelings to “Keep the Peace”

“I don’t want to sound dramatic.”

“It’s not that deep.”

“I’ll just let it slide.”

Sis, how many times have you swallowed your own feelings like bitter pills just to avoid looking “too emotional”?

You’re pretending things are okay when they’re not.

You laugh when you want to cry.

You say “it’s fine” when your heart is literally holding a whole TED talk of pain.

Why? Because you don’t want to push him away?

Let me say this with love… if expressing your true feelings pushes him away, then he was never truly with you.

Your emotions are not a burden. They are a part of you.

A man who truly wants you will create room for your truth, not punish you for it.

Stop saving the relationship at the cost of your peace.

Because one day, sis, all that bottled-up pain? It’ll explode. And it won’t be pretty.

3. Playing Wife to a Man Who Hasn’t Even Said “Will You Be My Girlfriend?”

This one stings, huh?

Let’s talk.

Too many women are out here cooking jollof, washing boxers, fasting and praying, and doing wife duties for a man who hasn’t even defined the relationship.

Like ma’am… he hasn’t even asked you to be his girlfriend. Yet here you are acting like the CEO of his life.

He introduces you as “my friend” but wants you to act like his mother, therapist, chef, financial advisor, spiritual intercessor, personal assistant, and sex goddess… all rolled into one.

And what do you get? Vibes. Confusion. Mixed signals.

Sis, being available is not the same as being chosen.

You don’t need to audition for the role of wife. You are the prize. You don’t offer the full package to someone still deciding if they even want a relationship.

No more wife duties for casual situationships.

If he wants commitment, let him say it. If he’s confused, let him stay confused without dragging you into the fog.

4. Staying After Repeated Disrespect Because You Love Him

Love is not a hall pass for disrespect.

If he’s calling you names during arguments, flirting with other women, ignoring your boundaries, or treating you like an afterthought—you don’t need more love, you need more standards.

But I get it.

You keep hoping he’ll change.

You keep forgiving, praying, tolerating, excusing.

“He’s just stressed.” “He didn’t mean it.” “It’s not all the time.”

But sis… patterns are louder than apologies.

A one-time slip-up? Okay. But if you have to constantly beg for basic respect? You’re not in a relationship, you’re in emotional hostage mode.

You deserve love that doesn’t make you cry every weekend.

Read that again.

5. Letting Yourself

Yeah… I said it.

You know what I’m talking about.

When the sex is that good, your brain forgets all its core values.

He lies? You forgive.

He ghosts you? You make excuses.

He comes back at 2 a.m. with that “I miss you” text? And suddenly your door is open like Jesus is coming in.

Sis. Please.

Good sex is not a relationship.

It’s not character. It’s not love. It’s not loyalty.

Your body can enjoy something that your soul is silently crying about.

And listen, I’m not shaming you.

We’ve all been there. But if you’re sacrificing your peace, your values, your clarity, and your common sense because of bedroom gymnastics… it’s time to log out.

If the only thing good about him is what happens under the sheets, then you’re not in love… you’re in bondage.

6. Believing You Can Change Him With Prayer and Patience

Ouch. This one hits hard for my prayer warrior sisters.

I believe in prayer. I believe God can change people.

But sis… God is not a magician. And you are not the Holy Spirit.

You can pray all day, fast all week, sow seed after seed… but if he doesn’t want to change, nothing will happen.

You cannot spiritualize someone’s unwillingness to grow.

You can’t pray the laziness out of him.

You can’t pray him into consistency.

You can’t patience your way into his transformation.

Faith without fruit is delusion.

If he says sorry but never shows change? Red flag.

If you’re constantly crying but calling it spiritual warfare? Sis… it might just be poor choices, not demonic attacks.

Sometimes the answer to your prayer is not his transformation… it’s your exit.

7. Fighting Every Woman Around Him

Why are you fighting women who don’t even know they’re in a competition?

You’ve turned into an FBI agent. Scrolling through every like, stalking every girl in his comments, checking his followers, lurking in his DMs.

You’re side-eyeing his female colleagues, his friends, his cousin, even the usher at church who said “God bless you” a little too cheerfully.

Sis, pause.

If you constantly feel like you have to police your man, that’s not love. That’s anxiety.

A man who is serious about you will not give space for confusion.

He will not make you question your worth. Or make you feel like you’re constantly defending your spot.

The problem is not the women. It’s him.

A faithful man gives peace, not paranoia.

8. Losing Yourself Just to Be “Chosen”

Let’s talk about the quiet disappearing act.

You used to be bold. Loud. Hilarious. Dream-filled.

Now?

You’re careful. Quiet. Timid. Shrinking.

All because you think being low-maintenance and drama-free will make him want to keep you.

Sis… don’t become a shadow of yourself for a man to “maybe” love you.

If he only likes you when you’re smaller, quieter, less of you—then he doesn’t deserve you.

The right one will love your fullness.

Your laugh. Your fire. Your quirks. Your flaws.

Stop editing yourself to fit into a relationship that doesn’t even have space for the real you.

9. Mistaking Possession for Protection

He gets angry when you go out?

He’s always checking your phone?

He gets jealous when you hang out with your friends?

You think that’s cute?

Sis, that’s not protection. That’s possession.

A man who controls you does not care for you.

Jealousy isn’t love. It’s insecurity dressed in controlling behavior.

If you can’t breathe without him flipping out, that’s not romance. That’s red flag central.

Love creates freedom, not fear.

10. Settling Because You’re Scared to Start Over

You know it’s not working.

You cry more than you laugh.

You pray for a sign and God’s been sending thunder, but you’re still like, “Maybe one more chance.”

Sis… fear is not a reason to stay.

“Starting over” sounds scary, I know. But you’re not starting from scratch. You’re starting from experience.

Don’t let loneliness convince you to stay where you’re not loved well.

You deserve a soft life. Not survival mode.

Final Thoughts, Sis…

If you saw yourself in any of these?

Take a deep breath.

You’re not stupid.

You’re not weak.

You’re just… human.

We all make messy love decisions sometimes. But the key is to wake up, not beat yourself up.

Love should feel like peace, not punishment.

You can be soft and still have boundaries.

You can be loyal and still have standards.

You can love someone and still choose yourself.

So wherever you are right now—whether crying in your room, doubting your worth, or just having one of those “what am I doing?” moments—I want you to know this:

You deserve love that doesn’t require you to lose yourself to find it.

And I’m rooting for you. Always.