10 Reasons You Are a Failure at Relationships And What To Do About It
Have you ever sat in your room, staring at your phone, wondering why it always ends the same way?
Like seriously. You try your best. You show up. You care deeply. You want it to work.
But somehow, it still crashes and burns.
You find yourself asking, “Why am I always the one trying harder? Why am I the only one hurting? Why does it never work out?”
If you feel like this, I want you to know you’re not crazy. And you’re definitely not alone.
Let’s sit together in this messy, confusing feeling for a moment. Let’s breathe.
Because it’s hard.
It’s hard when all you want is a genuine, healthy, long-term relationship, and instead, you keep getting disappointment after disappointment.
Maybe you’re starting to feel like it’s you. Like something’s wrong with you. Maybe you’ve even thought, “Am I just not relationship material?”
Let’s talk about it. Honestly.
Most relationships don’t last forever. That’s the truth.
But that doesn’t mean you are doomed to fail. It just means there’s something going on that needs your attention.
And that something might be one of the reasons below.
Here’s what could be sabotaging your relationships without you even realizing it.
1. You Have Completely Different Values
You meet someone. You click. You laugh. You like them.
But a few months in, you start to notice things. Big things.
Maybe you’re all about honesty and they’re okay with bending the truth.
Maybe your faith is central to your life and theirs isn’t.
At first, you tell yourself it’s not a big deal. You try to be chill about it. You convince yourself love can overcome differences.
But those differences? They don’t disappear. They grow louder.
Eventually, it’s like trying to speak two different languages in the same house. It leads to arguments, misunderstandings, and sometimes, resentment.
So here’s the thing. Values matter. A lot.
Don’t ignore the red flags in the beginning just because the butterflies feel good.
2. You Want Different Things in Life
You ever plan your future in your head, only to realize the person you’re dating doesn’t even see themselves in it?
Maybe you want marriage and they just want to vibe.
Maybe you dream of raising kids in the suburbs and they want to travel forever.
It doesn’t mean either of you are wrong. It just means you’re headed in different directions.
And trying to force it is like building a puzzle with pieces from two different boxes.
You both might be amazing. Just not amazing together.
Knowing what you want and being upfront about it from the start can save you years of confusion.
3. You’re Afraid of Commitment
You like the idea of love. You want someone to call yours. You get excited when it’s new.
But the moment things get serious, you feel trapped.
You start to panic. You pick fights. You pull away. You think, “What if I’m making a mistake? What if this isn’t the one?”
You self-sabotage before things even have a chance to bloom.
Commitment feels heavy. It feels like pressure.
But real love isn’t supposed to feel like a prison. It’s a partnership.
If the idea of forever scares you, that’s okay. But ask yourself why. Where is that fear coming from?
Fear can be worked through. But only if you stop running from it.
4. You’re Too Insecure
Insecurity is a sneaky little monster.
It makes you question if you’re enough.
It whispers lies in your ear like, “They’re going to leave you” or “They’re probably texting someone else.”
You overthink every message. You need constant reassurance. You get jealous over the tiniest things.
Eventually, your partner feels like they’re walking on eggshells. Or worse, they feel like they can’t make you happy no matter what.
It’s not because you’re too much. It’s because you don’t believe you’re worthy of love.
But here’s a truth bomb. You are worthy.
You don’t need to earn love. You just need to believe you deserve it.
5. You Keep Choosing People Who Aren’t Compatible
Let’s be real.
Sometimes, you fall for people who are completely wrong for you.
Maybe they’re exciting. Maybe they make your heart race. Maybe they give you butterflies and drama and chaos.
But they also give you anxiety. Confusion. Mixed signals.
It’s fun at first. But eventually, it drains you.
You can have chemistry with someone and still be completely incompatible.
Compatibility isn’t just about having fun together. It’s about having shared values, mutual respect, and a rhythm that just works.
Stop confusing attraction for alignment.
6. You Struggle With Anger or Aggression
This one’s tough, but we need to talk about it.
If you notice that you often raise your voice, lose your temper, or get overwhelmed by anger in relationships, that’s a sign to pause.
Anger isn’t always bad. But if it’s your default reaction to problems, it creates fear and emotional distance.
No one wants to feel like they’re constantly walking into a storm.
Sometimes, anger is just pain in disguise. Pain you’ve buried for too long.
Therapy helps. Talking helps. Owning it helps.
You can learn to express yourself without burning everything down.
7. You’re Not Good at Communicating
You think your partner should just know what’s wrong.
You give the silent treatment. You expect them to read your mind. You avoid hard conversations.
But relationships can’t survive without communication. Period.
You have to talk. Not just when things are good, but especially when they’re not.
Say what you need. Say what hurts. Say what you’re afraid of.
And listen too. Not just to reply, but to really hear them.
Without communication, even the strongest love will fall apart.
8. You’re Chasing a Fantasy
Maybe you grew up watching fairy tales. Maybe you think love should feel like a rom-com all the time.
So when real love starts to feel… normal, you panic.
You miss the chase. The drama. The high.
You think, “If I’m not constantly obsessed or emotional, maybe I’m not in love anymore.”
But love isn’t always fireworks. Sometimes it’s just quiet understanding. A deep exhale.
If you keep chasing excitement, you’ll keep missing the beauty of stability.
9. You Don’t Know Yourself Well Enough Yet
This one’s not talked about enough.
How can you love someone else deeply when you haven’t even figured out what you want?
A lot of us jump into relationships hoping they’ll fix us or make us feel whole.
But that’s too much pressure to put on another person.
Take time to know your patterns. Your triggers. Your dreams. Your boundaries.
The more you understand yourself, the better you’ll choose. And the better you’ll love.
10. You’re Holding Onto the Past
Old wounds. Betrayals. Breakups.
They leave scars.
And if you don’t heal them, you carry them into every new relationship.
You compare. You assume the worst. You expect the same ending.
But not everyone is your ex. Not everyone will hurt you.
Let go of the story that says love always ends in pain.
A new chapter can’t start if you’re still rereading the last one.
So What Can You Do About It?
You’ve made mistakes. So has everyone.
That doesn’t make you a failure. That makes you human.
But if you want different results, you need to do things differently.
Here’s what helps:
- Write down what went wrong in your past relationships. Be brutally honest with yourself.
- Now flip it. What could you do better next time?
- Work on your communication. Start with little things. Practice being vulnerable. Practice being direct.
- Be clear on what you want. Before dating anyone new, know what kind of relationship you’re looking for.
- Set boundaries. And stick to them.
- Get help if you need it. Therapy is not a weakness. It’s a gift.
- Take your time. Love isn’t a race.
You’re not too late. You’re not too broken. You’re still learning.
And that’s okay.
Final Words
Nobody wakes up one day and becomes great at relationships.
It takes time. Effort. Reflection. Humility.
If you’ve been failing at love, maybe it’s because you’re still learning how to love yourself.
The best relationships begin when you stop trying to fix someone else and start healing yourself.
So here’s to doing the work.
Here’s to choosing better. Loving smarter. Growing deeper.
And here’s to you finally getting the love you’ve always deserved.
It’s coming.
Cheers to that.